CHAPTER V

                         Wool and Water  
  
     She caught the shawl as she spoke, and looked about for the owner: in 
another moment the White Queen came running wildly through the wood,  with 
both arms stretched out wide, as  if  she  were  flying,  and  Alice  very 
civilly went to meet her with the shawl. 
     - I'm very glad I happened to be in the way, -  Alice  said,  as  she
helped her to put on her shawl again.
     The While Queen only looked at her in a helpless frightened  sort  of 
way, and kept repeating something in a whisper  to  herself  that  sounded 
like - bread-and-butter, bread-and-butter, - and Alice felt that if  there 
was to be any conversation at all, she must  manage  it  herself.  So  she 
began rather timidly: - Am I addressing the White Queen? 
     - Well, yes, if you call that a-dressing, -  The  Queen  said.  -  It
isn't MY notion of the thing, at all."
     Alice thought it would never do to  have  an  argument  at  the  very 
beginning of their conversation, so she smiled and said, - If your Majesty 
will only tell me the right way to begin, I'll do it as well as I can. 
     - But I don't want it done at all! - groaned the poor Queen.  -  I've
been a-dressing myself for the last two hours.
     It would have been all the better, as it seemed to Alice, if she  had 
got some one else to dress her, she was  so  dreadfully  untidy.  -  Every 
single thing's crooked, - Alice thought to herself, - and she's  all  over 
pins! - may I put your shawl straight for you? - she added aloud. 
     - I don't know what's the matter with it! -  the  Queen  said,  in  a
melancholy voice. - It's out of temper, I think. I've pinned it here,  and
I've pinned it there, but there's no pleasing it!
     - It CAN'T go straight, you know, if you pin  it  all  on  one  side,
Alice said, as she gently put it right for her; - and,  dear  me,  what  a
state your hair is in!
     - The brush has got entangled in it! - the Queen said with a sigh.  -
And I lost the comb yesterday.
     Alice carefully released the brush, and did her best to get the  hair 
into order. - Come, you look rather better now! - she said, after altering 
most of the pins. - But really you should have a lady's maid! 
     - I'm sure I'll take you with pleasure! - the Queen said. -  Twopence
a week, and jam every other day.
     Alice couldn't help laughing, as she said, - I don't want you to hire 
ME - and I don't care for jam. 
     - It's very good jam, - said the Queen.
     - Well, I don't want any TO-DAY, at any rate.
     - You couldn't have it if you DID want it, - the Queen  said.  -  The
rule is, jam to-morrow and jam yesterday - but never jam to-day.
     - It MUST come sometimes to "jam do-day," - Alice objected.
     - No, it can't, - said the Queen. - It's jam every OTHER day:  to-day
isn't any OTHER day, you know.
     - I don't understand you, - said Alice. - It's dreadfully confusing!
     - That's the effect of living backwards, - the Queen said  kindly:  -
it always makes one a little giddy at first
     - Living backwards! - Alice repeated in great astonishment. - I never
heard of such a thing!
     - but there's one great advantage in it, that one's memory works both
ways.
     - I'm sure MINE only works one way.  -  Alice  remarked.  -  I  can't
remember things before they happen.
     - It's a poor sort of memory that only works backwards, -  the  Queen
remarked.
     - What sort of things do YOU remember best? - Alice ventured to ask.
     - Oh, things that happened the week after next, - the  Queen  replied
in a careless tone. - For instance, now, - she went on, sticking  a  large
piece of plaster [band-aid] on her finger as  she  spoke,  -  there's  the
King's Messenger. He's in  prison  now,  being  punished:  and  the  trial
doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last
of all.
     - Suppose he never commits the crime? - said Alice.
     - That would be all the better wouldn't it? - the Queen said, as  she
bound the plaster round her finger with a bit of ribbon.
     Alice felt there was no denying THAT. - Of course it would be all the 
better, - she said: -  but  it  wouldn't  be  all  the  better  his  being 
punished. 
     - You're wrong THERE, at any rate, - said the Queen: - were YOU  ever
punished?
     - Only for faults, - said Alice.
     - And you were all the better for  it,  I  know!  -  the  Queen  said
triumphantly.
     - Yes, but then I HAD done the things I  was  punished  for,  -  said
Alice: - that makes all the difference.
     - But if you HADN'T done them, - the Queen said, -  that  would  have
been better still; better, and better, and better! - Her voice went higher
with each - better, - till it got quite to a squeak at last.
     Alice was just beginning to say - There's a mistake somewhere-, -  ** 
when the Queen began screaming so loud that she had to leave the  sentence 
unfinished. - Oh, oh, oh! - shouted the Queen, shaking her hand  about  as 
if she wanted to shake it off. - My finger's bleeding! Oh, oh, oh, oh! 
     Her screams were so exactly like the whistle of a steam-engine,  that 
Alice had to hold both her hands over her ears. 
     - What IS the matter? - she said, as soon as there was  a  chance  of
making herself heard. - Have you pricked your finger?
     - I haven't pricked it YET, - the Queen said, - but I soon shall  oh,
oh, oh!
     - When do you expect to do it?  -  Alice  asked,  feeling  very  much
inclined to laugh.
     - When I fasten my shawl again, - the poor Queen groaned out:  -  the
brooch will come undone directly. Oh, oh! - As  she  said  the  words  the
brooch flew open, and the Queen clutched wildly at it, and tried to  clasp
it again.
     - Take care! - cried Alice. - You're holding it all  crooked!  -  And
she caught at the brooch; but it was too late: the pin  had  slipped,  and
the Queen had pricked her finger.
     - That accounts for the bleeding, you see, - she said to Alice with a
smile. - Now you understand the way things happen here.
     - But why don't you scream now? -  Alice  asked,  holding  her  hands
ready to put over her ears again.
     - Why, I've done all the screaming already, - said the Queen. -  What
would be the good of having it all over again?
     By this time it was getting light. - The crow must have flown away, I 
think, - said Alice: - I'm so glad it's gone. I thought it was  the  night 
coming on. 
     - I wish _I_ could manage to be glad! - the  Queen  said.  -  Only  I
never can remember the rule. You must be very happy, living in this  wood,
and being glad whenever you like!
     - Only it is so VERY lonely here! - Alice said in a melancholy voice;
and at the thought of her loneliness two large tears came rolling down her
cheeks.
     - Oh, don't go on like that! - cried the  poor  Queen,  wringing  her
hands in despair. - Consider what a great girl you are.  Consider  what  a
long way you've  come  to-day.  Consider  what  o'clock  it  is.  Consider
anything, only don't cry!
     Alice could not help laughing at this,  even  in  the  midst  of  her 
tears. - Can YOU keep from crying by considering things? - she asked. 
     - That's the way it's done, - the Queen said with great  decision:  -
nobody can do two things at once, you know.  Let's  consider  you  age  to
begin with - how old are you?
     - I - m seven and a half exactly.
     - You needn't say "exactually," - the Queen remarked: - I can believe
it without that. Now I'll give YOU something  to  believe.  I'm  just  one
hundred and one, five months and a day.
     - I can't believe THAT! - said Alice.
     - Can't you? - the Queen said in a pitying tone. - Try again: draw  a
long breath, and shut your eyes.
     Alice laughed. - There's not use trying, -  she  said:  -  one  CAN'T 
believe impossible things. 
     - I daresay you haven't had much practice, - said the Queen. - When I
was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, sometimes  I've
believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast. There goes the
shawl again!
     The brooch had come undone as she spoke, and a sudden  gust  of  wind 
blew the Queen's shawl across a little brook. The  Queen  spread  out  her 
arms again, and went flying after it,  and  this  time  she  succeeded  in 
catching it for herself. - I've got! - she cried in a triumphant  tone.  - 
Now you shall see me pin it on again, all by myself! 
     - Then I hope your finger is better now? - Alice said very  politely,
as she crossed the little brook after the Queen.
  
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     - Oh, much better! - cried the Queen, her voice rising to a squeak as
she went on. - Much be-etter! Be-etter! Be-e-e-etter! Be-e-ehh! - The last
word ended in a long bleat, so like a sheep that Alice quite started.
     She looked at the Queen, who seemed to have suddenly wrapped  herself 
up in wool. Alice rubbed her eyes, and looked again. She couldn't make out 
what had happened at all. Was she in a shop? And was that really - was  it 
really a SHEEP that was sitting on the other side of the counter?  Rub  as 
she could, she could make nothing more of it: she was  in  a  little  dark 
shop, leaning with her elbows on the counter, and opposite to  her  was  a 
old Sheep, sitting in an  arm-chair  knitting,  and  every  now  and  then 
leaving off to look at her through a great pair of spectacles. 
     - What is it you want to buy? - the Sheep said at  last,  looking  up
for a moment from her knitting.
     - I don't QUITE know yet, - Alice said, very gently. I should like to
look all round me first, if I might.
     - You may look in front of you, and on both sides, if you like,  said
the Sheep: - but you can't look ALL round you - unless you've got eyes  at
the back of your head.
     But these, as it happened,  Alice  had  NOT  got:  so  she  contented 
herself with turning round, looking at the shelves as she came to them. 
     The shop seemed to be full of all manner of curious things - but  the 
oddest part of it all was, that whenever she looked hard at any shelf,  to 
make out exactly what it had on it, that particular shelf was always quite 
empty: though the others round it were crowded as full as they could hold. 
- Things flow about so here! - she said at last in a plaintive tone, after 
she had spent a minute or so in vainly pursuing a large bright thing, that 
looked sometimes like a doll and sometimes like a work-box, and was always 
in the shelf next above the one she was looking at. - And this one is  the 
most provoking of all - but I'll tell you what - she added,  as  a  sudden 
thought struck her, - I'll follow it up to the  very  top  shelf  of  all. 
It'll puzzle it to go through the ceiling, I expect! 
     But even this plan failed: the - thing - went through the ceiling  as 
quietly as possible, as if it were quite used to it. 
     - Are you a child or a teetotum? - the Sheep said,  as  she  took  up
another pair of needles. - You'll make me giddy soon, if you go on turning
round like that. - She was now working with fourteen pairs  at  once,  and
Alice couldn't help looking at her in great astonishment.
     - How CAN she knit with so many?  -  the  puzzled  child  thought  to
herself. - She gets more and more like a porcupine every minute!
     - Can you row? - the Sheep asked, handing  her  a  pair  of  knitting
needles as she spoke.
     - Yes, a little - but not on land - and not with  needles  Alice  was
beginning to say, when suddenly the needles turned into oars in her hands,
and she found they were in a little boat, gliding along between banks:  so
there was nothing for it but to do her best.
     - Feather! - cried the Sheep, as she took up another pair of needles.
This didn't sound like a remark that needed any answer, so Alice said
nothing, but pulled away. There was something very queer about the  water, 
she thought, as every now and then the oars got  fast  in  it,  and  would 
hardly come out again. 
     - Feather! Feather! - the Sheep cried again, taking more  needles.  -
You'll be catching a crab directly.
     - A dear little crab! - thought Alice. - I should like that.
     - Didn't you hear me say "Feather"? - the Sheep cried angrily, taking
up quite a bunch of needles.
     - Indeed I did, - said Alice: - you've said it very often - and  very
loud. Please, where ARE the crabs?
     - In the water, of course! - said the Sheep,  sticking  some  of  the
needles into her hair, as her hands were full. - Feather, I say!
     - WHY do you say "feather" so often? - Alice asked  at  last,  rather
vexed. 'I'm not a bird!
     - You are, - said the Sheet: - you're a little goose.  This  offended
Alice a little, so there was no more conversation for a
minute or two, while the boat glided gently on, sometimes  among  beds  of 
weeds (which made the oars stick fast in the water, worse then ever),  and 
sometimes under trees, but always with the same tall river-banks  frowning 
over their heads. 
     - Oh, please! There are some scented  rushes!  -  Alice  cried  in  a
sudden transport of delight. - There really are - and SUCH beauties!
     - You needn't say "please" to ME about - em - the Sheep said, without
looking up from her knitting: - I didn't put - em there, and I'm not going
to take - em away.
     - No, but I meant - please, may  we  wait  and  pick  some?  -  Alice
pleaded. - If you don't mind stopping the boat for a minute.
     - How am _I_ to stop it? - said the Sheep. - If you leave off rowing,
it'll stop of itself.
     So the boat was left to drift down the stream as it  would,  till  it 
glided gently in among the waving rushes. And then the little sleeves were 
carefully rolled up, and the little arms were plunged in elbow-deep to get 
the rushes a good long way down before breaking them off - and for a while 
Alice forgot all about the Sheep and the knitting, as she  bent  over  the 
side of the boat, with just the ends of her tangled hair dipping into  the 
water - while with bright eager eyes she caught at one bunch after another 
of the darling scented rushes. 
     - I only hope the boat won't tipple over! - she said to herself.  Oh,
WHAT a lovely one! Only I couldn't quite reach it. - And it certainly  DID
seem a little provoking ( - almost as  if  it  happened  on  purpose,  she
thought) that, though she managed to pick plenty of  beautiful  rushes  as
the boat glided by, there was always a more lovely one that  she  couldn't
reach.
     - The prettiest are always further! - she said at last, with  a  sigh
at the obstinacy of the rushes in growing so far  off,  as,  with  flushed
cheeks and dripping hair and hands, she scrambled back into her place, and
began to arrange her new-found treasures.
     What mattered it to her just than that the rushes had begun to  fade, 
and to lose all their scent and beauty, from  the  very  moment  that  she 
picked them? Even real scented rushes, you know, last only a  very  little 
while - and these, being dream-rushes, melted away almost  like  snow,  as 
they lay in heaps at her feet -but Alice hardly noticed this,  there  were 
so many other curious things to think about. 
     They hadn't gone much farther before the blade of one of the oars got 
fast in the water and WOULDN'T come  out  again  (so  Alice  explained  it 
afterwards), and the consequence was that the  handle  of  it  caught  her 
under the chin, and, in spite of a series of little shrieks of -  Oh,  oh, 
oh! - from poor Alice, it swept her straight off the seat, and down  among 
the heap of rushes. 
     However, she wasn't hurt, and was soon up again: the  Sheep  went  on 
with her knitting all the while, just as if nothing had happened. 
     - That was a nice crab you caught! - she remarked, as Alice got  back 
into her place, very much relieved to find herself still in the boat. 
     - Was it? I didn't see it, - Said Alice, peeping cautiously over  the
side of the boat into the dark water. - I wish it hadn't let go - I should
so like to see a little crab to take home with me! - But  the  Sheep  only
laughed scornfully, and went on with her knitting.
     - Are there many crabs here? - said Alice.
     - Crabs, and all sorts of things, -  said  the  Sheep:  -  plenty  of
choice, only make up your mind. Now, what DO you want to buy?
     - To buy! - Alice echoes in a tone that was half astonished and  half
frightened - for the oars, and the boat, and the river, had  vanished  all
in a moment, and she was back again in the little dark shop.
     - I should like to buy an egg, please, - she said timidly. -  How  do
you sell them?
     - Fivepence farthing for one - Twopence for two, - the Sheep replied.
     - Then two are cheaper than one? - Alice said in  a  surprised  tone,
taking out her purse.
     - Only you MUST eat them both, if you buy two, - said the Sheep.
     - Then I'll have ONE, please, - said Alice, as she put the money down
on the counter. For she thought to herself, -  They  mightn't  be  at  all
nice, you know.
     The Sheep took the money, and put it away in a box: then she said - I 
never put things into people's hands - that would never do - you must  get 
it for yourself. - And so saying, she went off to the  other  end  of  the 
shop, and set the egg upright on a shelf. 
     - I wonder WHY it wouldn't do? - thought Alice, as she groped her way
among the tables and chairs, for the shop was very dark towards the end. -
The egg seems to get further away the more I walk towards it. Let me  see,
is this a chair? Why, it's got branches, I declare! How very odd  to  find
trees growing here! And actually here's a little brook! Well, this is  the
very queerest shop I ever saw!
  
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     So she went on, wondering more and more at every step, as  everything 
turned into a tree the moment she came up to it, and  she  quite  expected 
the egg to do the same.