CHAPTER VI

                         Humpty Dumpty  
  
     However, the egg only got larger and larger, and more and more human: 
when she had come within a few yards of it, she saw that it had eyes and a 
nose and mouth; and when she had come close to it, she saw clearly that it 
was HUMPTY DUMPTY himself. - It can't be  anybody  else!  -  she  said  to 
herself. - I'm as certain of it, as if his name were written all over  his 
face. 
     It might have been written a hundred times, easily, on that  enormous 
face. Humpty Dumpty was sitting with his legs crossed, like a Turk, on the 
top of a high wall - such a narrow one that Alice quite  wondered  how  he 
could keep his balance - and, as his  eyes  were  steadily  fixed  in  the 
opposite direction, and he didn't  take  the  least  notice  of  her,  she 
thought he must be a stuffed figure after all. 
     - And how exactly like an egg he is! - she said aloud, standing  with
her hands ready to catch him, for she was every moment  expecting  him  to
fall.
     - It's VERY provoking, - Humpty Dumpty said  after  a  long  silence,
looking away from Alice as he spoke, - to be called an egg -VERY!
     - I said you LOOKED like an egg, Sir, - Alice gently explained. - And
some eggs are very pretty, you know, she added, hoping to turn her  remark
into a sort of a compliment.
     - Some people, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking away from her as  usual,
- have no more sense than a baby!
     Alice didn't know what  to  say  to  this:  it  wasn't  at  all  like 
conversation, she thought, as he never said anything to HER; in fact,  his 
last remark was evidently addressed to a tree - so she  stood  and  softly 
repeated to herself: 
  
             - Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:  
            Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  
            All the King's horses and all the King's men  
            Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty in his place again.   
  
     - That last line is much too long for the poetry, - she added, almost
out loud, forgetting that Humpty Dumpty would hear her.
     - Don't stand there chattering to yourself like that, - Humpty Dumpty
said, looking at her for the first time, - but tell me your name and  your
business.
     - My NAME is Alice, but
     - It's a stupid name enough! - Humpty Dumpty interrupted impatiently.
- What does it mean?
     - MUST a name mean something? - Alice asked doubtfully.
     - Of course it must, - Humpty Dumpty said with a  sort  laugh:  -  MY
name means the shape I am - and a good handsome shape it is, too.  With  a
name like your, you might be any shape, almost.
     - Why do you sit out here all alone? - said  Alice,  not  wishing  to
begin an argument.
     - Why, because there's nobody with me! - cried Humpty Dumpty.  -  Did
you think I didn't know the answer to THAT? Ask another.
     - Don't you think you'd be safer down on the ground? - Alice went on,
not with any idea of making another riddle, but simply in her good-natured
anxiety for the queer creature. - That wall is so VERY narrow!
     - What tremendously easy riddles you ask!  -  Humpty  Dumpty  growled
out. - Of course I don't think so! Why, if  ever  I  DID  fall  off  which
there's no chance of - but IF I did - Here he pursed his lips  and  looked
so solemn and grand that Alice could hardly help  laughing.  -  IF  I  did
fall, - he went on, - THE KING HAS PROMISED ME WITH HIS VERY OWN  MOUTH  -
to - to
     - To send all his horses and all his men, - Alice interrupted, rather
unwisely.
     - Now I declare that's too bad! - Humpty Dumpty cried, breaking  into
a sudden passion. - You've been listening at doors - and  behind  trees  -
and sown chimneys - or you couldn't have known it!
     - I haven't, indeed! - Alice said very gently. - It's in a book.
     - Ah, well! They may write such things in a  BOOK,  -  Humpty  Dumpty
said in a calmer tone. - That's what you call a History of  England,  that
is. Now, take a good look at me! I'm one that has spoken to  a  King,  _I_
am: mayhap you'll never see such another: and to show you I'm  not  proud,
you may shake hands with me! - And he grinned almost from ear to  ear,  as
he leant forwards (and as nearly as possible fell of the wall in doing so)
and offered Alice his hand. She watched him a little anxiously as she took
it. - If he smiled much more, the ends of his mouth might meet  behind,  -
she thought: - and then I don't know what would happen to  his  head!  I'm
afraid it would come off!
     - Yes, all his horses and all his men, - Humpty  Dumpty  went  on.  -
They'd  pick  me  up  again  in  a  minute,  THEY  would!  However,   this
conversation is going on a little too fast: let's  go  back  to  the  last
remark but one.
     - I'm afraid I can't quite remember it, - Alice said very politely.
     - In that case we start fresh, - said Humpty Dumpty, -  and  it's  my
turn to choose a subject - ( - He talks about it just as if it was a game!
- thought Alice.) - So here's a question for you. How old did you say  you
were?
     Alice made a short calculation,  and  said  -  Seven  years  and  six 
months. 
     - Wrong! - Humpty Dumpty exclaimed triumphantly. - You never  said  a
word like it!
     - I though you meant "How old ARE you?" - Alice explained.
     - If I'd meant that, I'd have said it, - said  Humpty  Dumpty.  Alice
didn't want to begin another argument, so she said nothing. -
Seven years and six months! - Humpty Dumpty repeated thoughtfully. 
- An uncomfortable sort of age. Now if you'd asked MY advice, I'd  have  
said "Leave off at seven"  -  but it's too late now.   
     - I never ask advice about growing, - Alice said Indignantly.
     - Too proud? - the other inquired. Alice felt even more indignant  at
this suggestion. - I mean, - she
said, - that one can't help growing older. 
     - ONE can't, perhaps, - said Humpty  Dumpty,  -  but  TWO  can.  With
proper assistance, you might have left off at seven.
     - What a beautiful belt you've got on!  -  Alice  suddenly  remarked.
(They had had quite enough of the subject of age, she thought: and if they
really were to take turns in choosing subjects, it was her turn now.) - At
least, - she corrected herself on second thoughts, - a beautiful cravat, I
should have said - no, a belt, I mean - I beg your pardon! - she added  in
dismay, for Humpty Dumpty looked thoroughly offended,  and  she  began  to
wish she hadn't chosen that subject. - If I only knew, -  the  thought  to
herself, 'which was neck and which was waist!
     Evidently Humpty Dumpty was very angry, though he said nothing for  a 
minute or two. When he DID speak again, it was in a deep growl. 
     - It is a - MOST - PROVOKING - thing, - he said at  last,  -  when  a
person doesn't know a cravat from a belt!
     - I know it's very ignorant of me, - Alice said, in so humble a  tone
that Humpty Dumpty relented.
     - It's a cravat, child, and a beautiful  one,  as  you  say.  It's  a
present from the White King and Queen. There now!
     - Is it really? - said Alice, quite pleased  to  find  that  she  HAD
chosen a good subject, after all.
     - They gave it me, - Humpty  Dumpty  continued  thoughtfully,  as  he
crossed one knee over the other and clasped his hands  round  it,  -  they
gave it me - for an un-birthday present.
     - I beg your pardon? - Alice said with a puzzled air.
     - I'm not offended, - said Humpty Dumpty.
     - I mean, what IS and un-birthday present?
     - A present given when it  isn't  your  birthday,  of  course.  Alice
considered a little. - I like birthday presents best, - she
said at last. 
     - You don't know what you're talking about! - cried Humpty Dumpty.  -
How many days are there in a year?
     - Three hundred and sixty-five, - said Alice.
     - And how many birthdays have you?
     - One.
     - And if you  take  one  from  three  hundred  and  sixty-five,  what
remains?
     - Three hundred and  sixty-four,  of  course.  Humpty  Dumpty  looked
doubtful. - I'd rather see that done on paper,
he said. 
     Alice couldn't help smiling as she took out her memorandum- book, and 
worked the sum for him: 
  
                               365  
                                 1  
                               ---  
                               364  
                               ---  
  
     Humpty Dumpty took the book, and looked at it carefully. - That seems 
to be done right - he began. 
     - You're holding it upside down! - Alice interrupted.
     - To be sure I was! - Humpty Dumpty said  gaily,  as  she  turned  it
round for him. - I thought it looked a little queer. As I was saying, that
SEEMS to be done right - though I haven't time to look it over  thoroughly
just now - and that shows that there are three hundred and sixty-four days
when you might get un-birthday presents
     - Certainly, - said Alice.
     - And only ONE for birthday presents, you  know.  There's  glory  for
you!
     - I don't know what you mean by "glory," - Alice said. Humpty  Dumpty
smiled contemptuously. - Of course you don't - till I
tell you. I meant "there's a nice knock-down argument for you!" 
     - But "glory" doesn't mean "a  nice  knock-down  argument,"  -  Alice
objected.
     - When _I_ use a word, - Humpty Dumpty  said  in  rather  a  scornful
tone, - it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.
     - The question is, - said Alice, - whether you CAN make words mean so
many different things.
     - The question is, - said Humpty Dumpty, -  which  is  to  be  master
that's all.
     Alice was too much puzzled to say anything, so after a minute  Humpty 
Dumpty began again. - They've a temper, some of them -particularly  verbs, 
they're the proudest - adjectives you can do anything with, but not  verbs 
- however, _I_ can manage the whole of them! Impenetrability! That's  what 
_I_ say! 
     - Would you tell me, please, - said Alice - what that means?
     - Now you talk like a reasonable child, - said Humpty Dumpty, looking
very much pleased. - I meant by "impenetrability" that we've had enough of
that subject, and it would be just as well if you'd mention what you  mean
to do next, as I suppose you don't mean to stop here all the rest of  your
life.
     - That's a great deal to make one  word  mean,  -  Alice  said  in  a
thoughtful tone.
     - When I make a word do a lot  of  work  like  that,  -  said  Humpty
Dumpty, - I always pay it extra.
     - Oh! - said Alice. She was  too  much  puzzled  to  make  any  other
remark.
     - Ah, you should see - em come round me of a Saturday night, - Humpty
Dumpty went on, wagging his head gravely from side to side: - for  to  get
their wages, you know.
     (Alice didn't venture to ask what he paid them with; and so you see I 
can't tell YOU.) 
     - You seem very clever at explaining words,  Sir,  -  said  Alice.  -
Would you kindly tell me the meaning of the poem called "Jabberwocky"?
     - Let's hear it, - said Humpty Dumpty. - I can explain all the  poems
that were ever invented - and a good many that haven't been invented  just
yet.
     This sounded very hopeful, so Alice repeated the first verse: 
  
             - Twas brillig, and the slithy toves  
              Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;  
            All mimsy were the borogoves,  
              And the mome raths outgrabe.  
  
     - That's enough to begin with, - Humpty Dumpty interrupted:  -  there
are plenty of hard words  there.  "BRILLIG"  means  four  o'clock  in  the
afternoon - the time when you begin BROILING things for dinner.
     - That'll do very well, - said Alice: and "SLITHY"?
     - Well, "SLITHY" means "lithe and slimy."  "Lithe"  is  the  same  as
"active." You see it's like a portmanteau - there are two meanings  packed
up into one word.
     - I see it now,  -  Alice  remarked  thoughtfully:  -  and  what  are
"TOVES"?
     - Well, "TOVES - are something like badgers - they're something  like
lizards - and they're something like corkscrews.
     - They must be very curious looking creatures.
     - They are that, - said Humpty Dumpty: - also they make  their  nests
under sun-dials - also they live on cheese.
     - Andy what's the "GYRE" and to "GIMBLE"?
     - To "GYRE" is to go round and round like a gyroscope. To "GIMBLE" is
to make holes like a gimblet.
     - And "THE WABE" is the grass-plot round a sun-dial, I suppose?  said
Alice, surprised at her own ingenuity.
     - Of course it is. It's called "WABE," you know, because  it  goes  a
long way before it, and a long way behind it
     - And a long way beyond it on each side, - Alice added.
     - Exactly so. Well, then, "MIMSY" is "flimsy and miserable"  (there's
another portmanteau for you). And a "BOROGOVE" is a  thing  shabby-looking
bird with its feathers sticking out all round something like a live mop.
     - And then "MOME RATHS"? - said Alice. - I'm afraid I'm giving you  a
great deal of trouble.
     - Well, a "RATH" is a sort of green pig: but "MOME" I'm  not  certain
about. I think it's short for "from home" - meaning that they'd lost their
way, you know.
     - And what does "OUTGRABE" mean?
     - Well, "OUTGRIBING" is something between  bellowing  and  whistling,
with a kind of sneeze in the middle: however, you'll hear it done, maybe -
down in the wood yonder - and when you've once heard it  you'll  be  QUITE
content. Who's been repeating all that hard stuff to you?
     - I read it in a book, - said Alice. - But I had some poetry repeated
to me, much easier than that, by - Tweedledee, I think it was.
     - As to poetry, you know, - said Humpty Dumpty, stretching out one of
his great hands, - _I_ can repeat poetry as well  as  other  folk,  if  it
comes to that
     - Oh, it needn't come to that! - Alice hastily said, hoping  to  keep
him from beginning.
     - The piece I'm going to repeat, - he went on  without  noticing  her
remark, - was written entirely for your amusement.
     Alice felt that in that case she really OUGHT to listen to it, so she 
sat down, and said - Thank you - rather sadly. 
  
             - In winter, when the fields are white,  
            I sing this song for your delight    
  
     only I don't sing it, - he added, as an  explanation.  -  I  see  you 
don't, - said Alice. - If you can SEE whether I'm singing or  not,  you're 
sharper eyes 
than most. - Humpty Dumpty remarked severely. Alice was silent.  
  
             - In spring, when woods are getting green,  
            I'll try and tell you what I mean.   
  
     - Thank you very much, - said Alice.
  
             - In summer, when the days are long,  
            Perhaps you'll understand the song:  
            In autumn, when the leaves are brown,  
            Take pen and ink, and write it down.   
  
     - I will, if I can remember it so long, - said Alice.
     - You needn't go on making remarks like that, - Humpty Dumpty said: -
they're not sensible, and they put me out.
  
             - I sent a message to the fish:  
            I told them "This is what I wish."  
  
            The little fishes of the sea,  
            They sent an answer back to me.  
  
            The little fishes - answer was  
            "We cannot do it, Sir, because  -  "   
  
     - I'm afraid I don't quite understand, - said Alice.
     - It gets easier further on, - Humpty Dumpty replied.
  
             - I sent to them again to say  
            "It will be better to obey."  
  
            The fishes answered with a grin,  
            "Why, what a temper you are in!"  
  
            I told them once, I told them twice:  
            They would not listen to advice.  
  
            I took a kettle large and new,  
            Fit for the deed I had to do.  
  
            My heart went hop, my heart went thump;  
            I filled the kettle at the pump.  
  
            Then some one came to me and said,  
            "The little fishes are in bed."  
  
            I said to him, I said it plain,  
            "Then you must wake them up again."  
  
            I said it very loud and clear;  
            I went and shouted in his ear.   
  
     Humpty Dumpty raised his voice almost to a scream as he repeated this 
verse, and Alice thought with a  shudder,  -  I  wouldn't  have  been  the 
messenger for ANYTHING! 
  
             - But he was very stiff and proud;  
            He said "You needn't shout so loud!"  
  
            And he was very proud and stiff;  
            He said "I'd go and wake them, if  -  "  
  
            I took a corkscrew from the shelf:  
            I went to wake them up myself.  
  
            And when I found the door was locked,  
            I pulled and pushed and knocked.  
  
            And when I found the door was shut,  
            I tried to turn the handle, but    
  
     There was a long pause. - Is that  all?  -  Alice  timidly  asked.  - 
That's all, - said Humpty Dumpty. Good-bye. 
     This was rather sudden, Alice thought: but, after such a VERY  strong 
hint that she ought to be going, she felt that it would hardly be civil to 
stay. So she got up, and held out her  hand.  -  Good-bye,  till  we  meet 
again! - she said as cheerfully as she could. 
     - I shouldn't know you again if we DID meet, - Humpty Dumpty  replied
in a discontented tone, giving her one of his fingers to shake;  -  you're
so exactly like other people.
     - The face is what one goes by, generally,  -  Alice  remarked  in  a
thoughtful tone.
     - That - s just what I complain of, - said Humpty Dumpty. - Your face
is that same as everybody has - the two eyes, so - (marking  their  places
in the air with this thumb) - nose in the middle, mouth under. It's always
the same. Now if you had the two eyes on the same side of  the  nose,  for
instance - or the mouth at the top - that would be SOME help.
     - It wouldn't look nice, - Alice objected.  But  Humpty  Dumpty  only
shut his eyes and said - Wait till you've tried.
     Alice waited a minute to see if he would speak again, but as he never 
opened his eyes or took any further notice of her, she said - Good-bye!  - 
once more, and, getting no answer to this, she quietly  walked  away:  but 
she  couldn't  help  saying  to  herself  as  she  went,  -  Of  all   the 
unsatisfactory - (she repeated this aloud, as it was a great comfort  have 
such a long word to say) - of all the unsatisfactory people I EVER  met  - 
She never finished the sentence, for at this moment a  heavy  crash  shook 
the forest from end to end.