CHAPTER VII

                    The Lion and the Unicorn  
  
     The next moment soldiers cam running through the wood,  at  first  in 
twos and threes, then ten or twenty together, and at last in  such  crowds 
that they seemed to fill the whole forest. Alice got behind  a  tree,  for 
fear of being run over, and watched them go by. 
     She thought that in all her life  she  had  never  seen  soldiers  so 
uncertain on their feet: they  were  always  tripping  over  something  or 
other, and whenever one went down, several more always fell over  him,  so 
that the ground was soon covered with little heaps of men. 
     Then came the horses. Having four feet, these managed  rather  better 
than the foot-soldiers: but even THEY stumbled now and then; and it seemed 
to be a regular rule that, whenever a horse stumbled the  rider  fell  off 
instantly. The confusion got worse every moment, and Alice was  very  glad 
to get out of the wood into an open place, where she found the White  King 
seated on the ground, busily writing in his memorandum-book. 
     - I've sent them all! - the Kind cried  in  a  tone  of  delight,  on
seeing Alice. - Did you happen to meet any soldiers, my dear, as you  came
through the wood?
     - Yes, I did, - said Alice: several thousand, I should think.
     - Four thousand two hundred and seven, that's the exact number, - the
King said, referring to his book. - I couldn't send all  the  horses,  you
know, because two of them are wanted in the game. And I haven't  sent  the
two Messengers, either. They're both gone to the town. Just look along the
road, and tell me if you can see either of them.
     - I see nobody on the road, - said Alice.
     - I only wish _I_ had such eyes, - the King  remarked  in  a  fretful
tone. - To be able to see Nobody! And at that distance, too! Why, it's  as
much as _I_ can do to see real people, by this light!
     All this was lost on Alice, who was still looking intently along  the 
road, shading her eyes with  one  hand.  -  I  see  somebody  now!  -  she 
exclaimed at last. - But he's  coming  very  slowly  -  and  what  curious 
attitudes he goes into! - (For the messenger kept skipping  up  and  down, 
and wriggling like an eel, as he came along, with his great  hands  spread 
out like fans on each side.) 
     - Not at all, - said the King. - He's an Anglo-Saxon Messenger -  and
those are Anglo-Saxon attitudes. He only does them when  he's  happy.  His
name ia Haigha. - (He pronounced it so as to rhyme with - mayor.
     - I love my love with an  H,  -  Alice  couldn't  help  beginning,  -
because he is Happy. I hate him with an H, because he is  Hideous.  I  fed
him with - with - with Ham-sandwiches and Hay. His name is Haigha, and  he
lives
     - He lives on the Hill, - the King remarked simply, without the least
idea that he was joining in the game, while Alice was still hesitating for
the name of a town beginning with H. - The other Messenger's called Hatta.
I must have TWO, you know - to come and go. Once to come, and one to go.
     - I beg your pardon? - said Alice.
     - It isn't respectable to beg, - said the King.
     - I only meant that I didn't understand, - said Alice. - Why  one  to
come and one to go?
     - Don't I tell you? - the King repeated impatiently. -  I  must  have
Two - to fetch and carry. One to fetch, and one to carry.
     At this moment the Messenger arrived: he was  far  too  much  out  of 
breath to say a word, and could only wave his hands about,  and  make  the 
most fearful faces at the poor King. 
     - This young lady loves you with an H, - the King  said,  introducing
Alice in the hope of turning off the Messenger's attention from himself  -
but it was no use - the Anglo-Saxon attitudes only got more  extraordinary
every moment, while the great eyes rolled wildly from side to side.
     - You alarm me! - said the King. - I feel  faint  -  Give  me  a  ham
sandwich!
     On which the Messenger, to Alice's great amusement, opened a bag that 
hung round his neck, and handed a sandwich to the King,  who  devoured  it 
greedily. 
     - Another sandwich! - said the King.
     - There's nothing but hay left now, -  the  Messenger  said,  peeping
into the bag.
     - Hay, then, - the King murmured in a faint whisper. Alice  was  glad
to see that it revived him a good deal. - There's
nothing like eating hay when you're faint, - he remarked  to  her,  as  he 
munched away. 
     - I should think throwing cold water over you would be better,  Alice
suggested: - or some sal-volatile.
     - I didn't say there was nothing BETTER, - the King replied. - I said
there was nothing LIKE it. - Which alice did not venture to deny.
     - Who did you pass on the road? - the King went on, holding  out  his
hand to the Messenger for some more hay.
     - Nobody, - said the Messenger.
     - Quite right, - said the King: - this young lady saw him too. So  of
course Nobody walks slower than you.
     - I do my best, - the Messenger said in a  sulky  tone.  -  I'm  sure
nobody walks much faster than I do!
     - He can't do that, - said the King, - or else he'd  have  been  here
first. However, now you've  got  your  breath,  you  may  tell  us  what's
happened in the town.
     - I'll whisper it, - said the Messenger, putting  his  hands  to  his
mouth in the shape of a trumpet, and stooping so as to get  close  to  the
King's ear. Alice was sorry for this, as she wanted to hear the news  too.
However, instead of whispering, he simply shouted at the top of his  voice
- They're at it again!
     - Do you call THAT a whisper? - cried the poor King, jumping  up  and
shaking himself. - If you do such a thing again, I'll have  you  buttered!
It went through and through my head like an earthquake!
     - It would have to be a very tiny earthquake! - thought Alice. -  Who
are at it again? - she ventured to ask.
     - Why the Lion and the Unicorn, of course, - said the King.
     - Fighting for the crown?
     - Yes, to be sure, - said the King: - and the best of  the  joke  is,
that it's MY crown all the while! Let's run  and  see  them.  -  And  they
trotted off, Alice repeating to herself, as she ran, the words of the  old
song:
  
     - The Lion and the Unicorn were fighting for the crown:  
    The Lion beat the Unicorn all round the town.  
    Some gave them white bread, some gave them brown;  
    Some gave them plum-cake and drummed them out of town.   
  
     - Does - the one - that wins - get the crown? - she asked, as well as
she could, for the run was putting her quite out of breath.
     - Dear me, no! - said the King. - What an idea!
     - Would you - be good enough, - Alice panted  out,  after  running  a
little further, - to stop a minute - just to get - one's breath again?
     - I'm GOOD enough, - the King said, - only I'm not strong enough. You
see, a minute goes by so fearfully quick. You might as well try to stop  a
Bandersnatch!
     Alice had no more breath for talking, so the trotted on  in  silence, 
till they came in sight of a great crowd, in the middle of which the  Lion 
and Unicorn were fighting. They were in such a  cloud  of  dust,  that  at 
first Alice could not make out which was which: but she  soon  managed  to 
distinguish the Unicorn by his horn. 
     They placed themselves close to where Hatta, the other messenger, was 
standing watching the fight, with a cup of tea in one hand and a piece  of 
bread-and-butter in the other. 
     - He's only just out of prison, and he hadn't finished his  tea  when
he was sent in, - Haigha whispered to Alice: - and  they  only  give  them
oyster-shells in there - so you see he's very hungry and thirsty. How  are
you, dear child? - he  went  on,  putting  his  arm  affectionately  round
Hatta's neck.
     Hatta looked round and nodded, and went on with his bread and butter. 
- Were you happy in prison, dear child? - said Haigha. 
     Hatta looked round once more, and this time a tear  or  two  trickled 
down his cheek: but not a word would he say. 
     - Speak, can't you!  -  Haigha  cried  impatiently.  But  Hatta  only
munched away, and drank some more tea.
     - Speak, won't you! - cried the King. 'How are they getting  on  with
the fight?
     Hatta made a  desperate  effort,  and  swallowed  a  large  piece  of 
bread-and-butter. - They're getting on very well, - he said in  a  choking 
voice: - each of them has been down about eighty-seven times. 
     - Then I suppose they'll soon bring the white bread  and  the  brown?
Alice ventured to remark.
     - It's waiting for 'em now, - said Hatta: - this is a bit  of  it  as
I'm eating.
     There was a pause in the fight  just  then,  and  the  Lion  and  the 
Unicorn sat down, panting, while the King called out - Ten minutes allowed 
for refreshments! - Haigha and Hatta set to work at once,  carrying  rough 
trays of white and brown bread. Alice took a piece to taste,  but  it  was 
VERY dry. 
     - I don't think they'll fight any more to-day, -  the  King  said  to
Hatta: - go and order the drums to begin. - And Hatta went  bounding  away
like a grasshopper.
     For a minute or two Alice stood silent, watching  him.  Suddenly  she 
brightened up. - Look, look! - she cried, pointing eagerly.  "There's  the 
White Queen running across the country! She came flying out  of  the  wood 
over yonder - How fast those Queens CAN run! 
     - There's some enemy after, her no doubt, - the  King  said,  without
even looking round. - That wood's full of them.
     - But aren't you going to run and help her? - Alice asked, very  much
surprised at his taking it so quietly.
     - No use, no use! - said the King. - She runs so fearfully quick. You
might as well try to catch a Bandersnatch!  But  I'll  make  a  memorandum
about her, if you like - She's a dear good creature, - he repeated  softly
to himself, as he opened his memorandum-book. - Do  you  spell  "creature"
with a double "e"?
     At this moment the Unicorn sauntered by them, with his hands  in  his 
pockets. - I had the best of it this time? - he said  to  the  King,  just 
glancing at him as he passed. 
     - A little - a little, - the King replied, rather  nervously.  -  You
shouldn't have run him through with your horn, you know.
     - It didn't hurt him, - the Unicorn said carelessly, and he was going
on, when his eye happened to fall  upon  Alice:  he  turned  round  rather
instantly, and stood for some time looking at  her  with  an  air  of  the
deepest disgust.
     - What - is - this? - he said at last.
     - This is a child! - Haigha replied eagerly, coming in front of Alice
to introduce her, and spreading out both  his  hands  towards  her  in  an
Anglo-Saxon attitude. - We only found it to-day. It's as  large  as  life,
and twice as natural!
     - I always thought they were fabulous monsters! - said the Unicorn. -
Is at alive?
     - It can talk, - said Haigha, solemnly. The Unicorn  looked  dreamily
at Alice, and said - Talk, child. Alice could not help her lips curing  up
into a smile as she began: -
Do you know, I always thought Unicorns  were  fabulous  monsters,  too!  I 
never saw one alive before! 
     - Well, now that we HAVE seen each other, - said the  Unicorn,  -  if
you'll believe in me, I'll believe in you. Is that a bargain?
     - Yes, if you like, - said Alice.
     - Come, fetch out the plum-cake, old man!  -  the  Unicorn  went  on,
turning from her to the King. - None of your brown bread for me!
     - Certainly - certainly! - the King muttered, and beckoned to Haigha.
- Open the bag! - he whispered. - Quick! Not that one -that's full of hay!
Haigha took a large cake out of the bag, and gave it  to  Alice  to  hold,
while he got out a dish and carving-knife. How they all  came  out  of  it
Alice couldn't guess. It was just like a conjuring-trick, she thought.
     The Lion had joined them while this was  going  on:  he  looked  very 
tired and sleepy, and his eyes were half shut. - What's this! -  he  said, 
blinking lazily at Alice, and speaking in a deep hollow tone that  sounded 
like the tolling of a great bell. 
     - Ah, what IS it, now? - the Unicorn cried eagerly.  -  You'll  never
guess! _I_ couldn't.
     The Lion looked at Alice wearily. - Are you  animal  -  vegetable  or 
mineral? - he said, yawning at every other word. 
     - It's a fabulous monster! - the  Unicorn  cried  out,  before  Alice
could reply.
     - Then hand round the plum-cake, Monster, - the Lion said, lying down
and putting his chin on this paws. - And sit down, both of you, - (to  the
King and the Unicorn): - fair play with the cake, you know!
     The King was evidently very  uncomfortable  at  laving  to  sit  down 
between the two great creatures; but there was no other place for him. 
     - What a fight we might have for the crown, NOW! - the Unicorn  said,
looking slyly up at the crown, which the poor King was nearly shaking  off
his head, he trembled so much.
     - I should win easy, - said the Lion.
     - I'm not so sure of that, - said the Unicorn.
     - Why, I beat you all round the town, you chicken! - the Lion replied
angrily, half getting up as he spoke.
     Here the King interrupted, to prevent the quarrel going  on:  he  was 
very nervous, and his voice quite quivered. - All round  the  town?  -  he 
said. - That's a good long way. Did you go  by  the  old  bridge,  or  the 
market-place? You get the best view by the old bridge. 
     - I'm sure I don't know, - the Lion growled out as he lay down again.
- There was too much dust to see anything. What a  time  the  Monster  is,
cutting up that cake!
     Alice had seated herself on the bank of  a  little  brook,  with  the 
great dish on her knees, and was sawing away diligently with the knife.  - 
It's very provoking! - she said, in reply to the  Lion  (she  was  getting 
quite used to being called - the Monster').  -  I've  cut  several  slices 
already, but they always join on again! 
     - You don't know how to manage Looking-glass  cakes,  -  the  Unicorn
remarked. - Hand it round first, and cut it afterwards.
     This sounded nonsense, but Alice very obediently got up, and  carried 
the dish round, and the cake divided itself into three pieces as  she  did 
so. - NOW cut it up, - said the Lion, as she returned to  her  place  with 
the empty dish. 
     - I say, this isn't fair! - cried the Unicorn, as Alice sat with  the
knife in her hand, very much puzzled how to begin. - The Monster has given
the Lion twice as much as me!
     - She's kept none for herself, anyhow, - said the Lion. - Do you like
plum-cake, Monster?
     But before Alice could answer him, the drums began. 
     Where the noise came from, she couldn't make out: the air seemed full 
of it, and it rang through and  through  her  head  till  she  felt  quite 
deafened. She started to her feet and sprang across the  little  brook  in 
her terror, 
  
                           * * * * * * *  
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                           * * * * * * *  
  
     and had just time to see the Lion and the Unicorn rise to their feet, 
with angry looks at being interrupted in their feast, before  she  dropped 
to her knees, and put her hands over her hears, vainly trying to shut  out 
the dreadful uproar. 
     - If THAT doesn't "drum them out of town," - she thought to  herself,
'nothing ever will!